I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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