we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
