i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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