she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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