i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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