bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
