epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
