I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
