would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
So squirting runs in the family.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
