I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
