Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
