I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
