Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
