Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
