If that was your dad, he is hot
i think my mom watched the whole time
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
