Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
