you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
