Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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