you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
