A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm like, not good at living.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
