Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
