Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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