If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
