She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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