So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
