Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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