You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
