His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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