I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Drunk is not a location!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
