Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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