I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
