Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Randomize
