morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
