Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
