New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
