If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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