so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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