Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
