The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
