Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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