just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
