Life is so much better after having sex.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
