So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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