the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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