THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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