I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
