I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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