I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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