her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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