I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
