Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize