Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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