Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
