Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
