Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I supernannyed him into submission
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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