I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
