WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
should my penis look like a turkey
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
