Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
