i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
