2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
