Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
