I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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