I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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