frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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