it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
