is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
