party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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