im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize