How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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