You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
