About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
